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Love yourself….

‘Love yourself’….. And pain cuts through me as I feel the emptiness and the longing for his warm arms around me,  his tender body close to mine…. Seeking comfort from the cold….. And pictures of a girl who was confused and could make no sense of the world comes to me…. So many times did she comfort herself…. Over and over with her legs pulled up to her chest,  arms around her legs,  like a ball… No one to blame,  no blame to be uttered,  just life with the lessons we have to learn…. Our parents loved us,  like we love our children and lessons are here to be learnt…. Blame and guilt are illusions,  but our love and innocence is real…..as long as we breathe we will love….. And I belive we will always seek this love to be shared with parents,  children,  friends,  family and a partner that holds us when the cold goes through our bones…. Not because we cannot love ourselves or comfort ourselves,  but because love is us and it is to be shared in many ways…..

It

Its like my energy is seeping out of me, only leaving the debris I don’t want. Please talk to me. Help me change it around. Lets uplift the spirit, honouring all there is, but choosing something so bright it will light up the entire sky. Talk to me:

 

‘Run’ she said, ‘run like the devil. With the wind in your hair. Black, long , curly and days from a wash. It smells of the sea, the sweat and the wildness that runs in your veins. Run, run, run, faster than the wild, longer than the sea. You will not see nothing here anyway. The mountains are here, and obscure your sight. There is nothing left for you here, but bones and rotting debris. Run run run’, she yells almost as a whisper – and I run. Faster and longer than I have ever run. ‘You are the wind, the sea and all the things that decay and turn into new life. Don’t you see?’ Her voice loud, clear and almost furious now. ‘You are it all. Your strength does not lie in beauty, softness, calmness or even in your words. Your strength lies in your eyes, if they dare to see. To see that which really is. Look at the ocean and all you see is a blue, green, grey, black and sometimes white surface. All the colours of the sky are reflecting in the surface of the sea. But that is not the sea. The sea…the sea is the softness against your skin, the coolness surrounding you on a hot summer day. It is the place of delicious food and dangerous life that will end yours in a heartbeat. The sea devourers all there is, while giving life to much there is. You are the sea. You are a drop and you are the ocean. You reflect, contain, devourer and create….so it is. Do you see? You are all….don’t let your focus be on one thing. Don’t get lost in the feelings of this and that. Don’t seek the truth or the answers, cuz there are none, and while you search, life seeps out of you. Find enjoyment….find it way beyond making sense, doing good, give fulfilment and sacrifice…don’t ever sacrifice. Sacrifice holds nothing, choice holds the world. Do let go now dear….’her voice has turned soft, her brittle hair is waving softly around her face…even the light is so soft now….I whisper: ‘will you lay your hand on my chest? Will you feel my heart?” No’, she says,’ you don’t need it. You don’t even need to feel your heart yourself…OH cant you see??!! You don’t need to feel, to think or to say it….you are it and no matter what you do, nothing will change it. You are always it.

 

The souls of my feet

I wonder, she said. I wonder why the souls of my feet burn. They feel so hot.

You are walking the salt of the earth. That’s what you have chosen. Although you have so much doubt. Put away your doubt and live and laugh. The souls of your feet have walked many miles and will walk many more. There are no reason to doubt. You are a seeker, and what you seek will be found in many and will leave an impact on many. You are just one of many, but that does not mean that you don’t matter. Remember this and keep walking. ❤️

Surrender

I rest my soul
at the trunk of the tree.
I lean back and let the silence of the air
The whisper of the leaves
The sweet smell of change
Sourround me and encompass my being.
Somewhere a voice inside me is awoken.
I do not fully understand its language
but I surrender peacefully to it….
Somehow I know it will lead me gently to world’s I do not know. I will see it in the faces of the men who love so gently, in the faces of women that spread the body & souls around the once they love.
I will see it in the laughing curios eyes of the woman who shows me the way when I am standing bewildered at the curb.
I will feel it in the tiny hands that slips into my hand and shows me a universe of being, just being.
I breathe. I feel a tickling and warmth in my body. Sweet sweet sweet surrender.

Son of God

As a broken man he stands with his head bowed in misery.   Shoulders hanging, legs giving way to nothing. Falling to the ground he cries out: I am a son of God. With all I am: frail, frustrated and full a fury, I am a son of God. And his head turns towards the sky, nothing there to grab, but he looks at all that tries to grab him and yells: No no no…. Go away! I AM A SON OF GOD! Angels  dance around my Childrens bed at night, love beckons me to sleep with soft kisses and a warm and tender body next to mine. I am a son of God. Don’t you see??! Don’t you see the scars I ve earned? Don’t you see the scars I so wish I wouldn’t have given?!! Do you see the joy in my parents eyes? Do you feel the love in the hearts of my children? There are roads I wish I hadn’t walked, cuz they caused great pain and distress for the ones I love. There are words I wished I never heard as they cut right through my Armour and made it heavy. There are sights I wished I saw more clearly so I could have led us all out of harms way…. But I did not know how!…. Yet every day I stretch out my hands and heart to offer any comfort they might give….Don’t you see? I am a son of God!

Meeting across oceans

I wrote this entry in a discussion group on facebook. I am not sure if I really expected any response, half thinking that my thoughts are not expressed clear enough for anyone to relate, but still, I so needed to share my thoughts …and then came an answer, that awed me! Across oceans and 1000 of km. away a man wrote about the experience in different words, but still I felt I recognized it all and once again I thought about how we get answers, about how we´re all connected in ways we cannot quite comprehend, but we know….we just know…its sometimes a matter of remembering…

 

This is what I wrote:

I have been wondering…. I saw a woman leave her body during illness… She left it bit by bit, until I think the rest of us were as ready as we could be to say goodbye… Then she left her body entirely. I wonder if the struggle of her heart, mind and body that I witnessed the last few years of her life, if in that struggle, we can somehow see the struggle, the beauty and the love of all mankind? If somehow, each and every one of us holds the tiny speck that holds it all…..

I am grateful to this day that she let me share some of her journey, and as I cry and miss her, I hold my heart in love bigger than me but still small enough to fit a sore heart and the tender hand that reaches out to dry my cheeks…….. I been wondering….

 

And here is the beautiful response from JL:

Yes, absolutely. I was with my dad as he took his last breath earlier this year after years of suffering with dementia…

And yes, the whole thing very much felt like a sort of portal that put me deeply in touch with these larger truths/realities of the human experience…

The impermanence of it. The wonder of it. The beauty of it. The profound pain and longing that visits every one of us at some point, if not regularly.

There was a breaking of my heart for the world, you could say. A deep compassion for all of us on this journey.

As well as an appreciation for the tremendous courage shown by us to come here in the first place.

Anyway, thank you for sharing Thea. And for this opportunity to share about my experience. Wishing you all the best as you continue to move through your grieving process.

No…or should I say yes…

I do not believe in evil.

So there it is.

I have thought about this for a while. Listened to american voices proclaim evil lives and acts through people. Even that evil people exist. I have listen and heard spiritual teachers say that evil is always present, but that we can choose to let the light and love win. I have heard priest say that evil can sneak up on you at any time ….even while you ponder about the late afternoon sun through the autumn clouds, it can come right through your windows and embody you soul.

But I dont believe it. I believe that our souls are only love. I believe that the core of our being is very simple and complex at the same time, but that it consist, basically, of love. What ever the soul, mind and body structure really is, I do believe that it stems from pure love. Children show it to us so easily. They act with care, love and compassion, even towards things or situations they do not understand. They only judge when they themselves have been judged, hurt, not seen, misunderstood, mistreated or in some other way have been led away from who the truly are.

So I do not belive in evil.

That doesn’t mean that we do not experience some events or some acts as evil. I do believe we do. But these events or acts must stem from something else than an person who is evil at heart. Hurt, misbelieve, abuse, neglect or perhaps loneliness….or…. basically some kind of hurt to who we are….They must stem from experiences that somehow lead us away from who we truly are, and into some corner that we somehow feel we cannot escape.

So acts can be perceived as evil. Change and the way things happen can be perceived as not good or even bad…..but I believe that at the core of our being we are nothing but love.

So there you have it……live with it….you are a being of God, of the wholeness that is the human race. The wholeness that is the planet earth…the wholeness that is the universe…..omg…..I think I’ll sit still and listen to the music now…..Love to us all……

 

Sart rødt

 

 

Hun er bange for hvad der må møde hende, så hun beder Krigeren om at gå med hende og om at gå forrest. Han holder sit sværd og beskytter hende med sin krop . Han er på vagt, da han forsigtigt åbner døren til hendes hjerte. De træder ind. Hun er bange og trukket sammen bagved Krigeren.

Og der er det.

Hjertet er sort, med røg, sod og sorte lunser af det menneske som blev sprængt i stykker der. Der er sorg efter terror i hjertet alle vegne, og hun græder mens hun samler barnet op. Barnet er sprængt i mange stykker som alle er kødfulde og sorte. Hjertets rytme spinder sin egen sang om sorg over de der blev mistet, og hun sender dem alle bønner, men for nu kan hun kun samle barnet op. Hvert stykke der bliver samlet op, får liv og farve. Det får liv og bliver fint sart rødt. Stille og roligt får hun samlet barnet, mens Krigeren hjælper og holder vagt. Han følger hende, rækker hende stykker, betragter hende, føler hendes smerte og holder hans styrke. Hun læner sig ind i styrken mens hun lader alt det bløde græde for sit barn.

Nu holder hun barnet i sine arme. Hun vugger hende blidt mens hendes egen krop rokker frem og tilbage. Hun er fyldt med sorg og vrede, Hun er fyldt med uendelig ømhed for sit barn.

Med et bliver hendes ydre forvandlet til et dyr, der hvæser og udstøder dybe skrig som for at jage alle væk og beskytte barnet. Lydene fortæller om sorg og et ur instinkt der til sidste åndedrag vil beskytte barnet.

Barnet ligger nu hel og svøbt i et fint tæppe der holder hende varm og beskyttet. Hun åbner forsigtigt sine øjne og er lidt bange for hvad hun vil se. Men det er som om hun i sekundet før øjnene er helt åbne beslutter sig for at åbne dem i fuld tillid og fuld kærlighed. Kvinden holder hende. Krigeren står ved deres side og hans hjerte smelter i et med deres mens han holder vagt og betragter dem. De sidder længe sådan , indtil barnet rejser sig og begynder at løbe lidt omkring og lege. Det er ikke et fint sted at lege, for hjertet de sidder i, er sort og fuld af den røg og de stumper og stykker som krig efterlader. Der er ikke noget liv der, bortset fra de tre. Da barnet har leget lidt og er klar til at hvile , svøber kvinden hende i tæppet, binder hende fast til ryggen . Det er tid til at forlade stedet. Barnet sover og kvinden løber afsted som et dyr, med Krigeren lige bag sig. Foran dem må der være lyst og grønt, så de kan finde sikkerhed.

My dance

So I dance

and no one will know

so exquisitely my delight!

 

So he knows my name

but we carry hundreds of names

who can tell them all?

 

So I watch his dance

thinking it carries parts of mine

so naives as the first of spring day

 

So I go back and I know

that love comes in so many ways

not for us to call it by name.

The woman with silver hair

For there is nothing else.

They talk and talk

but love is all there is.

Love for you

love for them, us and me

the grace of love in a whisper

of the druken woman with silver hair.

And I knew that, there can be no blame

hurt falls like rain from broken hearts

hope lifts us up where the air is thin

So queitly I slip away.

And I knew love is never an illusion

all the pictures are

but the twang at your heart is real.

Step outside and step away

love is where your heart settles – not a story to be told!